Height Of
HEIGHT OF ISOLATION: Two persons sitting side by side using scraps to communicate with each other.
HEIGHT OF COWARDICE: Two persons fighting through scraps.
HEIGHT OF HELPLESSNESS: Receiving no scaps for a week.
HEIGHT OF FRUSTRATION: The scrap server being down.
HEIGHT OF CARELESSNESS: Writing a love scrap and doing a 'Send All.
HEIGHT OF ACHIEVEMENT: A person sending scarps to a girl wanting to become friends and getting a reply.
HEIGHT OF TIMEPASS: A person sending scap to himself.
HEIGTHT OF EXPECTATION: Sending Indian cricket team an e-mail, wishing them to win a match.
HEIGHT OF REPETITION: Forwarding a scrap to someone and receiving the same scrap forwarded back to you By some one in the receiving chain.
HEIGHT OF LAZINESS: Seating on a footpath and no reaction even after seeing the mad dog is coming towards
you to bite.
HEIGHT OF BROWSING: U r falling from the roof of a building shouting "F1 F1 F1" instead of shouting "HELP HELP HELP"
Various assumptions at various levels
- Project Manager is a Person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in One month.
- Developer is a Person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a Baby.
- Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
- Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
- Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
- Resource Optimization Team thinks they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child with zero resources.
- Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
- Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.
And lastly
- Tester is a person who always tells his wife that this is not the Right baby ...
Honesty Interview
Honestly, we will have these answers in our mind ... but we give different, tailored and suitable answers to the guy !
Q: Why did you apply for this job?
A: I have applied for many jobs along with this and you called me now.
Q: Why do you want to work for this company?
A: I have to work for some company who ever gives me a job, I don't have any specific company in mind.
Q: Why should I hire you?
A: You have to hire some one, you may give me a try.
Q: What would you do if this happened?
A: Well, it depends my mindset and mood at that situation...
Q: What is your biggest strength?
A: Basically, daring to join any company who pays me well, without thinking of the fate of company
Q: What is your biggest weakness?
A: Girls
Q: What was your worst mistake, and how did you learn from it?
A: Joining my earlier company and learnt that I need to jump to get more money, so I am here today
Q: What accomplishments in your last position are you most proud of?
A: Had I accomplished any in my last position, why do I need to change my job?
I could demand more and stay there.
Q: Describe a challenge you faced and how you overcame it?
A: Biggest challenge is answering the question "why are you looking for a change" and I started blabbering irrelevantly to overcome that.
Q: Why did you leave/ are you leaving your last job?
A: For the same reason why you left your earlier job
Q: What do you want from this job?
A: If no work is given but keep giving good hikes
Q: What are your career goals and how do you plan to achieve them?
A: Make more money and for that keep jumping companies for every 2 yrs
Q: Did you hear of our company and what do you know of us?
A: Yeah, I know that you will ask this, I've gone through your website
Q: What is the salary expected and how do justify that?
A: Well, no one will change job for the same salary, hence, give me 20% extra than what I am getting and that is unpublished industry standard
(I know you will bargain on what ever I ask, hence, I have already hiked my current salary by 30%)
Type of Girls
HARD DISK GIRLS: she remembers everything, FOREVER
RAM GIRLS: she forget about you, the moment turn her off
WINDOW GIRLS: everyone know that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.
SCREENSAVER GIRLS: She is good for nothing but at least she is fun
INTERNET GIRLS: Difficult to access
SERVER GIRLS: Always busy when you need her.
MULTIMEDIA GIRLS: She make horrible thing look beautiful.
CD-ROM GIRLS: She is always faster and faster.
EMAIL GIRLS: Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense .
VIRUS GIRLS: Also known as "wife'' when you are not expecting her, she comes, install herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if don't try you uninstall her you will lose everything...
At ATM
How a BOY withdraws cash from ATM.
1. Park the car
2. Go to ATM Machine
3. Insert card
4. Enter PIN
5. Take money out
6. Take ATM Card out
7. Drive away
How a GIRL withdraws cash from ATM
1. Park the car
2. Check makeup
3. Turn off engine
4. Check makeup
5. Go to ATM
6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse
7. Insert card
8. Hit Cancel
9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it
10. Insert card
11. Enter PIN
12. Take cash
13. Go to car
14. Check makeup
15. Start car
16. Stop car
17. Run back to ATM
18. Take ATM card
19. Back to car
20. Check makeup
21. Start car
22. Check makeup
23. Drive for 1/2 mile
24. Release handbrake
Matrimonial Ads
Below are actual ads on a matrimony site give by bride. Grammar and spell errors have no place in a profile description as everything is straight from the heart!
Disclaimer : I am not responsible if you forget your basic grammar after reading this mail...
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- Hello To Viewvers My Name is Sowmya , I am single i dont have male, If any one whant to marrie to me u can visite to my home. I am not a good education but i working all field in bangalroe.. if u like me u welcome to my heart... when ever u whant to meet pls viset my resident or send u letter.. Thanks
yours Regards Sowmya ~*~
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i want very simple boy. from brahmin educated family from orissa state she is also know about RAMAYAN, GEETA BHAGABATA, and other homework
(Homework?)
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Wants a man who knows me better and can adjust with me forever. he may never create any difficulties in my life or his life by which the entire life can run smoothly. thank you
(The principle of running life smoothly was never so easy!)
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He should be good looking and should have a service. he Shoulsd have one brother and one sister. he should be educated.
(ain't it unique !! 1 brother 1 sister criteria !)
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I am a happy-go-lucky kind of person. Enjoys every moments of life. I love to make friendship. Becauese friendship is a first step of love. I am looking for my dreamboy who will love me more than i. Because i love myself a lot. If u think that is u then why to late come on ........ hold my hand forever !!!
(The dilwale dulhaniya effect)
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I am simple girl.I have lot ofproblemin mylife because ofmylucknow i am looking oneboyhe caremeandloveme lot lot lot
(I don't know why but this is one of my favorites)
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My husband should be as 'Shiva' as in Kahani Ghar Ghar Ki and as Tanwerr as in KSBKBT......
(Ok I haven't seen these soaps but I am sure she must be demanding too much, ain't he?)
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I want a boy with no drinks if he wants he can wear jeans in house but while steping out of house he should give recpect to our cast
(by not wearing his jeans? Wat the hell...)
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HYE I AM A GOOD LOKING GIRL,WHO HAS THE CAPABILITY TO MAKE ANY BODY TO LOUGH.I BELIEVE IN GOD AND ACCORDING TO ME FRIENDS ARE THE REAL MESSENGER OF GOD. THE 3 THINGS I AM LOOKING FROM A BOY ,THEY ARE 1.THEY MUST BELIEVE IN GOD.2. THEY HAVE TO LIKE MY PROFFESION AND THEY SHOULD NOT GET BORED WITH ME WHEN I WILL TRY TO MAKE THEM LOUGH.
(all of us are loughing{laughing})
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Whatever he may be but he should feel that he is going to be someone groom and he must think of the future life if he is toolike this he would bde called the man of the lamp
(I am clueless, I feel so lost. Can anyone tell me what this girl wants)
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I love my patner i marriage the patner ok i search my patner and i love the patner ok thik hai the patner has a graduate ok
(I am again clueless but I liked the use of "ok". The person is suffering from "Ok-syndrome")
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HI IAM VERY COOL NUATHER OK MY HOBBY IS SEE T.V AND NEWS OK I HAVE 1 CAR AND 1 BONWL OK MY MOTHER ALSO GOOD OK MY FARUET WORLD IS OK
(the "ok syndrome" again)
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I am pranati my family histoy my two brother two sister and fater&mother sister complity marred
(somebody please explain in comments section how to get married 'completely'?)
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I am very simpel and hanest. i have three sister one brother and parent. i am doing postal sarvice and tailor master my original resdence at kalahandi diste naw iam staing at rayagada dist.
(actually what is this girl doing? Postal service or tailor.??)
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My name is farhanbegum and i am unmarried. pleaes you marrige me pleaes
pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes pleaes
(height of desperation! )
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I want one boy who love me or my mother. he love me heartly or he havea frank he's skin colour 'normal'not a black or not a whitey. IThink the main think is heart if your heart is beautiful then you are beautiful. but i am not a handsome girl or not a good looking. but my Mom say that Iam a good girl. My father already expired . iam ''AEKLAUTA''. THE CHOICE IS YOUR.
bye bye.
(uttama purishinin)
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I am kanandevi. i do owo businas.one sistar.he was marred.
(No comments)
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I AM LITTLE FAIR INDIAN COLOUR. I DON'T HAVE ANY HABIT.
(maybe the poor guy meant BAD habits)
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hello i am a good charactarised woman. i want to run my life happily.i divorced my first husband.his charactor is not good'. i expect the good minded and clean habits boy who may be in the same caste or other caste accepted ...
(but credit cards not accepted..???)
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my colour is black,but my heart is white.i like social service
(Zebra..???)
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i'm looking out for who lives in bombay, boy simple who trust me lot should be roman catholic, LOVE ME ONLY.
(Now that criterion is a must, isn't it?)
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to be married on jan-2005. working man perferable
(this girl has fixed the marriage date too! But she is yet to find a bridegroom. I wish her best of luck on behalf of all of us. I am sure she will get one soon.)
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i would like a beautyfull boy. and i do not want his any treasure. because boy is the maharaja.
(Now he is going to be a lucky boy! Any takers?)
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ssc failed three times and worked with privated ltd company which not paying salary at present.
(Any takers again?)
Lessons in Logic
If your father is a poor man, it is your fate but,
if your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity.
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I was born intelligent -
education ruined me.
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Practice makes perfect.....
But nobody's perfect......
so why practice?
.......................................................................................................................................................................
If it's true that we are here to help others,
then what exactly are the others here for?
.......................................................................................................................................................................
Since light travels faster than sound,
people appear bright until you hear them speak.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
How come "abbreviation" is such a long word?
.......................................................................................................................................................................
Money is not everything.
There's Mastercard & Visa.
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One should love animals.
They are so tasty.
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Behind every successful man, there is a woman
And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two.
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Every man should marry.
After all, happiness is not the only thing in life.
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The wise never marry.
and when they marry they become otherwise.
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Success is a relative term.
It brings so many relatives.
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Never put off the work till tomorrow
what you can put off today.
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"Your future depends on your dreams"
So go to sleep
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There should be a better way to start a day
Than waking up every morning
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"Hard work never killed anybody"
But why take the risk
.......................................................................................................................................................................
"Work fascinates me"
I can look at it for hours
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God made relatives;
Thank God we can choose our friends.
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The more you learn, the more you know,
The more you know, the more you forget
The more you forget, the less you know
So.. why learn.
.......................................................................................................................................................................
A bus station is where a bus stops.
A train station is where a train stops.
On my desk, I have a work station....
what more can I say........
Computer Programmer's Song
# Local variable: Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon, pal do pal meri kahani hai, pal do pal meri hasti hai..
# Global variable: Main har ik pal ka shayar hoon, har ik pal meri kahani hai, har ik pal meri hasti hai
# Null pointers: Mera jeevan kora kagaz, kora hi reh gaya.
# Dangling pointers: Maut bhi aati nahi, Jaan bhi jati nahin.
# Goto: Ajeeb dastan hai yeh, Kahan shuru kahan khatam, Ye manzilen hain kaun si, Na woh samajh sake na hum
# 2 Recursive functions calling each other: Mujhe kuchh kehna hein, mujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein, Pehle tum, pehle tum.
# The debugger: Jab koi baat bigad jaye, Jab koi mushkil pad jaye, Tum dena saath mera hamnawaz.
# From VC++ to VB: Yeh haseen vaadiyan, Yeh khula asmaan, Aa gaye hum kahan.
# Untrackable bug: Aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi, awaaz de kahin se.
# Unexpected bug (esp during presentation to client): Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua.
# And then to the client: Jab hua, Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho.
# Load Balancing: Saathi haath badhana, ek akela thak jayega, mil kar bojh uthana
# Modem ( modem talk on a busy connection): suno - kaho,kaha - suna,kuch huwa kya? abhee to nahin..
# Windows getting open sourced: Parde mein rahne do parda na uthao, parda jo uth gaya to bhed khul jayeha, allah meri tauba, allah meri tauba
AND SOME FILMS
# ESC : NO DO GYARA
# F1 : GUIDE
# UNDO : AA AB LAUT CHALE
# SYSTEM WHOSE OS IS DOS : BUDHA MIL GAYA
# SOFTWARE & HARDWARE : EK DUJE KE LIYE
# ALT+CNTR+DEL : AAKHARI RASTA
# HARD DISK & FLOPPY : GHARWALI BAHERWALI
# RAM : KORA KAGAZ
# C++ & C : BADEMIYA CHOTEMIYA
HR Manager Love Letter
Ever wondered how a HR Manager could write a love letter to his girl friend ?? Enjoy:
To,
Juliet Grade 7.0 S.M
Sub: Offer of love!
Dearest Ms Juliet,
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in Love with you since the 14th of October (Saturday).With reference to the meeting held between us on the 13th of Oct. at 1500 hrs, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover.
Our love affair would be on probation for a period of three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous on the job training and performance appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially beshared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses.
However I am broadminded enough to be taken care of, on your expense account.
I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be cancelled without further notice and I shall be considering someone else. I would be happy, if you could forward this letter to your sister or friend, if you do not wish to take up this offer.
Wish you all the best!
Thanking you in anticipation,